Words of Remembrance

Near the end of the funeral liturgy (i.e., after the distribution of Holy Communion at a Funeral Mass or after the recitation of the Lord’s Prayer at a Funeral Liturgy outside of Mass), a family member or friend may be invited to come forward to offer some “words of remembrance” about the deceased. This honor carries some important responsibilities with it and the person chosen is asked to offer a reflection that is respectful, sincere, and in keeping with the sacredness of the liturgy.

The following guidelines are intended to help with the process of composing these words and delivering them:

• In accord with the Diocese of Portland’s 2011 guidelines found in the Bishop’s pastoral letter That We May Have Hope, words of remembrance are limited to no more than 5 minutes. This time allotment ensures that these words do not detract from the order of the Mass and that they do not impede the funeral procession from arriving at the cemetery in a timely manner. It is natural to want to speak at length about a deceased loved one, but such opportunities will more appropriately present themselves at the funeral home or following the burial.
• Ordinarily the words of remembrance should be written down to keep the speaker focused and to ensure that the time limit is respected.
• The words of remembrance are not, properly speaking, a “eulogy” (taken from the Greek meaning ‘words of praise’), but rather are an opportunity to reflect upon the life of faith of the deceased. Stand-up comedy, story-telling, or unfocused reminiscing is not appropriate to the sacredness of the church setting. Instead, the speaker is invited to consider speaking about how God was at work in the life of their deceased loved one and how he/she responded.
• It is important that the words of remembrance be about the deceased, and not about the person speaking. These words should be personal and sincere, but also accessible to all present. They should not simply be a reflection on the personal relationship the speaker enjoyed with the deceased.
• Only one person may offer the words of remembrance. Another family member may certainly stand next to the speaker for support, but only one person may speak.
• Given the emotional nature of the words of remembrance, a speaker may feel at the last moment that he/she is unable to deliver them. In such a case, a substitute may be chosen on his/her behalf.